What happened last Summer?
by i'll-b-whatever-u-want-me-to-b
Summary: Okay i know the title completely sucks but i'm no good at them! something terrible happened to Amy last Summer, can Sirius help her get over it? Full summary inside


Summary: Something terrible happened to Amy during the Summer and now that she's back at Hogwarts people are beginning to notice her change in personality- she's gone from being completely calm and laid back to a nervous wreck, and she can't bare to have anyone touch her. But then a certain someone (cough Sirius Black cough) realises that her sudden character change is more than just raging hormones and he wants to help her, but will she let him and when she makes a startling, horrifying discovery it seems that the event of last summer is having serious, life changing repercussions. Now she can't just learn to forget because this will be with her for the rest of her life- if she chooses it to be. Oh and by the way, I obviously don't own anyone in this story except Amy and her family members- oh and of course her rabbit Stalin.  
  
Coming Back  
  
I thought I'd be able to cope; it was just school- school was my safe place where I knew nothing could happen to me, but then again that's what I thought about home until the incident. You don't think that something like that can occur in your own home right under the noses of the people you think love and protect you the most. But sometimes awful things can happen and there's nothing you can do to stop it, and sometimes people you thought cared about you choose to turn a blind eye and ignore things that are right in front of them because they don't want to acknowledge that something so terrible could happen to someone they know. You only hear of those things happening to people far, far away who you've never heard of before and will probably never hear of again once there off prime time news. But as I cowered in the corner of platform 9 and three quarters I realised that something I could cope with so easily before was suddenly like jumping into the deep end of a shark infested swimming pool without learning to swim. I was positively drowning as I watched all these people walking around, coming dangerously close to touching me- it was such chaos and I couldn't handle it. I couldn't let anyone touch me, no one could touch me, and if I never let anyone come near me ever again then it would never be able to happen again. And I would rather die than have to go through with it again, sometimes I felt like I would rather die than have to deal with the memory of it. Every night I was forced to relive it over and over again through my recurring nightmares, the memory of the pain and the terror that I experienced that day- it was worse than anything I'd ever had to face before in my life. And now I had to go back to school and pretend that nothing had happened, that I was the same person that everyone knew and liked last year, when I had changed so badly that I didn't even recognise myself anymore. I was just a shadow of my former self, I was afraid of everything and everyone and I couldn't seem to concentrate on anything any more. How would I be able to face my NEWTS, they were brutal at the best of times and I didn't think there was anyway that I could handle them now. I just wanted to go back in time and be the person I was 2 months ago. I was happy then, but now I couldn't imagine ever being happy again. Were a bunch of stupid tests really all that bothered me a couple of weeks ago? Did finding a boyfriend seem like the biggest worry back then? Did I think that breaking up with Tim was truly the worst thing that could possibly happen to me? I couldn't believe that I was so ignorant to real suffering and so naïve about the ways of the world. How could I possibly think that boys and exams were the only things that were worth any serious thought? But I'd have given anything to be that boy crazy, fun loving, happy girl again. I hadn't felt anything but misery, betrayal and self-hatred for a month and a half. Why couldn't I smile any more, why had I been hurt so badly? Why had I let this happen? Surely I could have stopped it if I really wanted to, surely there was something that I could have done to prevent it from happening. I must have done something to ask for it. Maybe I'd let it happen again, maybe history would repeat itself again and again because I kept on letting it. But I couldn't keep on letting in occur, I had to go somewhere that no one would ever be able to hurt me again. But where was that place? Was there anywhere completely safe on Earth? Was the only way to be free from the pain to die? Suddenly someone came at me from behind so suddenly that I didn't see them until they grabbed my shoulder. I was so scared that I scream and hit out- they wanted to hurt me I was sure of it. They were going to make me go through it again. 'Ouch Amy that really hurt- what's your problem?' Asked a familiar voice. I was so relieved that I turned around and hugged them, feeling for just a split second that I was safe. 'Okay your relay confusing me, first you sock me then you hug me. Is this some new way of greeting people that you learnt over the summer?' Asked my best friend Lily. I looked up at her and could already see purplish bruise forming around her eye. 'I'm sorry Lily- I don't know what's up with me lately- good they'll think your being abuse...' I couldn't believe I just came out with that. I was sure it must be written all over my face, she must have worked it out by now and she'd be so disgusted that she'd never want to see me again. 'It's all right Amy; I did sneak up on you. You never can be to careful these days.' She replied a little confusedly. But I didn't blame her; I was acting really strangely and un-Amyishly. I used to be the epitome of cool- nothing could faze me. Aliens could land and take me away to their home planet and I wouldn't even raise an eyebrow. But someone had finally found away of getting to me and I had turned into the complete opposite to the old me. Everything made me jump. I couldn't stay in a room alone any more, I couldn't sleep without the light on and I wouldn't let anyone come within 2 feet of me without lashing out. Of course Lily would notice that something was up, she's known me inside out since nursery. If I didn't have seconds at dinner she thought something was up so naturally she'd realise that that there was something wrong with me by my strange irrational behaviour and I didn't know how long I get away with using the excuse that puberty had finally caught up with me (About 1 second with Lily because she knew that I'd be menstruating ever since the unmentionable camping trip halfway through our second year at Hogwarts.) so sometime very soon I would have to come up with a very good reason as to why I had completely changed over the Summer, I was thinking about going for the I had a brain transplant approach- stranger things have happened. 'Are you just going to stand they're staring into space all day or are we going to board this train before all the good compartments go?' Remarked Lily, waking me from my trance. I blushed as I realised that I had been on another world for a few moments, but that had been happening a lot lately. 'Oh right, yeah sure whatever.' I mumbled, trudging along next to her, but making sure there was a good few feet between us. 'We're in luck, the back carriage is empty and this train is completely Potter free. We can continue to live in harmony for a few more precious seconds.' Said Lily as she collapsed happily into a chair. It's strange how such trivial things can make people happy. I would normally be extremely pleased about the best compartment on the whole train being empty but now I couldn't care less. The usual first day excitement wasn't there, I just felt numb. 'Amy are you sure you're okay- you're zonking out on me again. Oh my God you haven't joined one of those weird cults where they wash your brains out and make you chant about their wonderful leader Zen who will bring you to his planet where you'll live in everlasting peace and harmony all day have you.' She exclaimed, I knew she was only joking but for some reason it annoyed me. 'No I have not joined your bloody cult but by the sounds of it you're pretty clued in to how they cooperate.' I snapped back, realising instantly that I was being out of order but feeling to blocked off from Lily and my old life to care. Why should I care about anything any more, it wasn't like any of it really mattered. 'Jesus Amy what is up with you today? And don't say nothing because there is something definitely wrong with you.' she replied in an angry, hurt tone. ' I just feel a bit under the weather okay, can't I have just have a bad day for once? Why does everyone expect me to be happy, perky Amy all the time!' I demanded looking at her with cold, furious eyes, I felt her wince at them. And I knew I was being out of line and this was not just a bad day and it wouldn't end when I woke up tomorrow morning. And I realised that Lily didn't like the new me and that once she realised that this was not just waking up on the wrong side of the bed she probably wouldn't stick around to get acquainted with my new personality. 'Amy is there is anything bothering you, you know you can tell me.' She sighed. But she meant talking about arguments with parents or not getting the dress robe you want, you know trivial little problems that girls my age were supposed to be worried about- not my problem. She didn't want to talk about my dilemma, she'd run a mile if it I told her. Lily liked to think that she was this great agony aunt who had the solution to every kind of conundrum but she could never even begin to understand my problem let alone try and solve it. I doubt that I'd ever be able to just solve it; I'd probably have to live with it forever until it ate me alive. 'I'll bare that in mind.' I said, I don't think she noticed the sarcasm in my voice, and if she did she chose to ignore it. But at that moment someone burst into the room, making us forget our little dispute for a while. I have to admit that I was scared at first by the interruption- I hated people intruding on me especially when they weren't invited, but having Lily there with me was a great comfort I even managed not to scream. 'James Potter you are the living end! How dare you come in like that uninvited, I have a good mind to report you to Dumbledore!' exclaimed Lily- normally I would have laughed at her but the situation suddenly didn't seem funny like it usually did. 'It's a free country Lily; I have as much right to be in here as you do. And look there's four seats left and it just so happens that there's four of us. I think we'll be joining you for the journey Evans.' He smirked, waving his friends Peter, Sirius and Remus in. When he said that I was sudden hit by a wave of panic- I had purposely sat as far away from Lily as possible so there was no way she would be able to touch me accidentally, but now I would be squashed between four tall, well built, fully grown boys (well Peter wasn't tall or well built but he was podgy and definitely bigger than Lily and me.) There would be no way that I could avoid touching anyone while we were sitting so close together, but perhaps I would be lucky and get wedged between Remus who was such a gentleman that he would try as hard as possible not to touch me, and Peter who was the smallest of the group although that wasn't much of a comfort. As they all piled in I felt the panic rising to my throat and I could feel tears pricking at my eyes. I bit down on the sides of my mouth- it was all I could do to stop myself screaming or breaking down in tears. I curled up in my seat and backed myself against the wall pretending that I wanted to go to sleep but I don't think it was very convincing because as Sirius (the biggest tallest member the group at a gigantic 6" 3) came to sit opposite he gave me a funny look before he stretched out his long legs so that they rested against the bottom of my seat. I flinched at his closeness and hugged myself tightly. This was hell, how could I go through a whole train journey like this without breaking down in front of everyone. 'Hi Amy, did you have a good summer?' Sirius asked me casually while looking at my cowering form in confusion. I would normally be chatting away with him by now but I was just eyeing them all with a fearful look on my face. 'Um yeah it was alright nothing special.' I mumbled refusing to look him in the eye while I was speaking. 'Mine was terrible; I had to spend to months in the South of France with my parents! I can't think of anything more horrible.' He remarked flinching at the memory of it. If only he knew, if I had to the choice of my holiday or his I would chose his in a flash. He didn't know how lucky he was. 'Yeah I had to go with them because since I've been living with James I haven't seen them at all and mum was getting really upset. But then we had a massive fight just before we came home and she said I was no longer her son and I could go and blow up for all she cared-motherly love for you!' He said with a grim smile on his face. 'I'm sure she was just angry and she probably regrets saying that now.' I replied, hoping that he regretted what he did to me, wherever he was. I'd never forgive him but it made me feel better to think of him drowning in the memory of what he did to me, wishing he could turn back the clock just like I did. 'Well I don't care either way; I'm not going to see them again if I can help it. They've always been lousy parents and I'm sick of it.' He said with a shrug as though he didn't care. Why couldn't I be like that, why couldn't I talk about what happened to me so casually as though it didn't bother me in the slightest. As Sirius was speaking to me Remus came and sat in the empty chair next to me. I didn't notice until his arm brushed against mine, it was so gentle that I normally wouldn't have noticed but I was so on edge that the sudden contact made me scream. The whole carriage went silent and I could all see them giving me 'what's your problem look'. I felt a sudden wave of fear and embarrassment wash over me. 'S-sorry, I was on another p-planet for a moment.' I stuttered trying not to let any tears fall- that would give me away completely. No one except Peter looked convinced by this explanation, especially not Lily but they reluctantly went back to their other conversations. I wearily put my head against the side of my chair and was engulfed in sleep immediately.  
  
A/n- well that was the first chapter of my first fan fic ever!!! Okay I know it's a bit heavy but bare with me because it does try and raise awareness for this pacific crime, I'm not going to tell you what happened to Amy yet although a lot of you have probably already guessed. Please review with your thoughts and suggestions, the next chapter will be up in the next couple of days. 


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